Okay y'all, it's about 11pm on a Thursday and I was going to post something really profound, either about Christmas and What It Means to Me, or Death, or continue My Life Story (remember that? back in frickin' 2005? But now I'm wondering if it's even worth it. I mean, does anyone even care (about my life story, anyway)? I started school, I've healed more, I've moved on a bit (that comes into the Death post, too) due to Changing Life Circumstances.
But...if I don't tell My Life Story, other things I might want to blog about in the future might not make sense. Stuff I'm still dealing with. Stuff like church (the organization), and Why I Don't Want Anything to Do With It.
Also, I've noticed there's this Culture of Silence, as I've come to call it, regarding Church and how it's implied (both when you're attending and when you leave) that you're not supposed to say anything bad about what was going on, or why you left. I think that's partly because the people who most need to know why you left still attend That Church, and if you try to tell them why you left, you imply that they are part of That Problem, or they are endorsing The Person, or Church Model, or Belief System (or all three) that you think is wrong, or did you wrong, by still being part of it. Does that make sense?
So you can't explain why you left to people who mean a lot to you, because you know if you start to, you'll be accusing them oh-so-subtly of Being Wrong. And whether you really think that or not, that's the impression you give, and hence, the Culture of Silence. And THAT means you can't defend yourself against the reasons they supply in their heads about Why You Left, which may be uncharitable, and certainly do not take into account Specific Events or Things That Were Said that they know nothing about, which you cannot say because it puts a Certain Someone who Pretty Much Runs the Church in a bad light, and you don't want to be seen as that sour grapes/gossiper/malcontent/whatever person trying to get people to join you in leaving the church.
And soon, the only people you can tell about it are other people who also don't go to Church, but most of them don't go to church because they just don't; it's never interested them or they weren't raised to think IT WAS IMPORTANT, and so, while you agree with their reasons for not going (it's boring, it's banal, I'd-rather-be-sleeping-in-and-eating-pancakes-in-my-jammies) they don't really understand your reasons for not going.
So. That's where I'm at. Does anyone care about any of the above mentioned topics? Or should I just do another "confessions" thingie?
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
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5 comments:
spill it (without using real names)
I know I'm not a regular, consistant reader of your blog, but I can speak to this. I'm a little on the other side, as I stuck things out in my last church until a recent move, when several other friend left. For me it was about hanging on to the good things still in the church, and trying to encourage positive change in the other places. When talking friends who had left, we discussed what was wrong, what might be done about it, and how we cared about the people it affected. I understand why people left the church (conflicts with senior church staff, poor church management, painful tactless comments, etc.). I also saw good in the church though things like the Sunday School program (far better than most) and most of the outreach missions.
Watching friend leave the church, I know figuring out and sharing what went wrong can go a long way to find an appropriate source for the learning and fellowship that are supposed to be the focus of the church. I would encourage you to share the things you need to share to work through your pain with the church. You don't need to feel an obligation to be biographical, unless you want.
I look forward to hearing more.
Just spill the beans!
I know what you mean. There's the whole preaching to the choir aspect of the story, but there's also the people out there who would read the story and just not "get it". Then they leave nasty comments that you really don't want to deal with. At some point you have to say "screw it". This your blog and your freedom of speech page.
And like cheme said. Letting people know what went wrong, may help them figure out how to make things right.
Share whatever you feel comforable sharing. I find what I know of your life story to be quite interesting.
I didnt know you in 05 so I may have missed some important details.
On the code of silence thing, I know EXACTLY what you mean. The Church I was at in Minnesota never did tell me what happend to the previous Pastor and when people stopped going it was almost like they had been "erased". The only exception was the occasional maybe so and so will come back to Church. Like you are in or out. Always bugged the hell out of me.
I want you to know that you and others who I have met through the blogs are an inspiration to me.
Spill it! *nods*
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